Selfish and Stubborn

Sitting in my cell... Unmoved by the world outside... My mind is locked to hate... selfish and stubborn.

The drums roll indicating change
the guitars pick up to a new tune.
The crowds jump and acknowledge
their drink, dope and ignorance.

Living life to it's fullest
I've walked the crowded streets.
Hands in empty pockets
Moving to my heart beats.

Have loved the one that would never love me...
Time heals and death reveals
I ignored the one that loved me.

I always knew you but never did i understand.
What I saw within you was love for me uncanned.

ponderings of a lost man

Its way past midnight... A time when being broke and running out of food supplies, along with our king-sized ego not to borrow has made me quite different and quite out of sync.
Mood swings, beedis and powdered milk...one meal a day (at night) along with lots of tea, coffee and glucose biscuits.
did i work or try at least...???
Bloody yes i did...worked to the bone. but haven't received anything that would say i worked... i would love to blame the state i am in right now to that. but i cannot. i let it happen. i let the chance go by. today i try to make amends...nuthing happens.
suddenly it feels like i have finally arrived at mumbai trying to make ends meet.

Surely i must not have been thinking...
If we werea couple happening...
But i never think when its emotion
that blurrs my mind from the worldly commotion.

the education was growing stronger...
And guess it would go longer...
Never did i realise that it would be different
and thoughts would get harder to vent.

where is this life that we all dream of. Lost in the wilderness. of course i chose the road to travel and am looking for clues to the end. but this road's got more distractions than perceived. help me great one to be able to think straight, undistracted and focussed to one goal.

ThE DEcidER

Darkness...more darkness
Are my eyes going blind or am I just fading away...
My head's spinning and whirling, my body's aching...
I guess it's the adrenaline, maybe the serotonin...IT'S DOPAMINE...
I can't fight this battle anymore...I have to stop and let go... Let go of the spirit that has bound me.
There is no one here but me... in this crowded and claustrophobic world... I am but alone, fighting a losing war...
I have to let go... leave it all behind...
' Will leave from the back door, should i turn to see the one's I leave behind and lose this only chance to slip away?
Slip out and no one, not even friends would notice i have slipped away and left the warmth of the party...
Open door... The back door...
I can feel the pang of the cold breeze beckon me "leave 'em all behind"
So I let the feeling engulf me and leave without stopping to say goodbye...'
Life is so strange... I stop awhile to wonder ' DID I really LIVE LIFE to LEAVE IT?'
And I was thrown back...with a throbbing head, dry mouth and a very heavy pain on my chest and on every muscle i thought i have...
DID I JUST SEE DEATH...
THE REAPER AND THE DECIDER??!!

where do i begin...

What i sit that is amiss...?
A vacation...
Sometime with friends...
with someone special...


The whistle sounds the start of play
Shrill and loud, for every player to hear.
But one player oblivious to what is on
Stares straight at the goal, 'loss I fear!'

The kick off and the ball is everywhere...
woken from the romance of his end
He moves swift, agile and aggressive
faked a right and left, tripped and a hard descend.

Never did he get up to finish the game
Self engrossed he cries in his own defeat
The match can never be replayed
And he kicks himself on his own selfish feat.

He was once loved by a girl very beautiful
Ignored her presence and moved on
Today he sits smoking his pipe and rocking on a chair
Old and miserable, he tripped twice and now she's gone.