I wriTe SinS nOt tRAGEDies

Well, here I am back, writing my thoughts, thinking my words and all this usual bull shit. Out here to pen my thoughts, hope that someone is going to read it maybe have some sympathy and some would leave a note behind. I couldn't be more self-centered.
These days its a whole different world that I am living in. Life has a whole lot of turns out there just waiting for me to miss the signs, to slip and never to get back up again. But wouldn't that be a very pessimistic way of looking at it?? Maybe!!! I am content in living in denial (read optimism) that everything is going to be alright and someday I shall be able to walk down my wilderness... (For the sake of Life... Stop making these things up in your head... there is no such thing as a WildernEss PlanneD for you...You just die and ThaTs it...end of STory)
I am not one to have belief in religion nor am I an atheist. I can call myself an agnostic... but what the fuck!!! You already found yourself something to console yourself with. Everything about it, my living in denial, creating for myself a wilderness, everything... doesn't that make me want to believe in religious preachings???
I don't know and am not sure if I would want to know right now.
I have taken way too many turns in my life and am raring to take a whole lot more of them... I would have easily taken the highway. the road is straight, I hve the things i need from cigarettes to whiskey (unless i am driving down to Gujarat, but lets not get into that). But I still chose to drive through the mountains, and still don't know the road I am on. The one thing I am dead sure is and that is where the road is taking me...
Its like a long drive, long enough for a strong back to start creaking at the end of a segment. The roads are not wide but they are clearly visible. Green trees line the meandering and serpentining beauty of asphalt laid some aeons ago... the roads not breezy but its not sunny. Its not cool but its not hot... Its dark almost black and every 50 metres the roads winds into this monstrosity of a hairpin... its almost like the mountains were the head of this enormous woman with loads of hair pins to hold the trees from falling one over the other.
At each bend there is always this glimpse of a valley, of a ravine, of a cliff, of a river, of a waterfall and sometimes of a broken vehicle and some remnants of a broken rider. But each bend taught me something different. Sometimes i would see the valley and would stop and thing thats thats the wilderness i am heading to. but then when you think hard, isn't it the road thats making you want to stop... you are tired... the rides been long and winding... you need to stop... that place looks good to stop... you look around and miraculously you find a path of some dried stream that would take you straight to the valley. You look through the path, it widens out... and you already know there have been others, and there's a party out there in the valley... Now thats where I want to be!!
I start to get my gear out and ready to make my way down...
the place is good, there's alot for everyone. I learn a whole lot of new things, open my mind to different possibilities. Find a treasure which i hold onto dearly. But then suddenly i begin to miss the road, the bike (yes i was on a bike, why else would i talk about a creaking back), the good times of searching, of looking for answers, of singing, of being one, of the different other turns... this is not the first, best or last turn... THIS IS NOT MY WILDERNESS!!!
And so I pack and leave from the back door, as I always did. Not because there is something to hide, because I am scared... I am afraid to let everyone know, for them to bid me farewell, I am scared that I will have to come back or just never leave and never find my WilDerNess. I fear that I will lose my ride... and I know somewhere if I get stuck, the very ride that has got me this far to this valley will be rusting somewhere on the side of a turn on a meandering serpentining asphalt, next to a path that was once a stream , and if it rested long enough to rust the stream would once again flow... and I will remain on the valley and my ride would die.
So I pick my bags and leave behind everything I began to enjoy.
Its like a long drive, long enough for a strong back to start creaking at the end of a segment. The roads are not wide but they are clearly visible. Green trees line the meandering and serpentining beauty of asphalt laid some aeons ago... the roads not breezy but its not sunny. Its not cool but its not hot... Its dark almost black and every 50 metres the roads winds into this monstrosity of a hairpin... its almost like the mountains were the head of this enormous woman with loads of hair pins to hold the trees from falling one over the other.
I have since moved through every type of scenery, stopped at valleys, ravines, lakes, streams... and here i go again in search of my Wilderness. I have accomlpished a few things and have a lot more to do. Have a long way to ride and my back will creak for the last time when I find my wilderness. I can wait and cos I know where the road is headed, though I don't know the road.

My bags are packed once again... There are a couple of things that needs to be done... The ride is checked, its oiled... the roads a callin and i'll be on my way... The WilDerNess is calling and the partys a calling but one will be left behind cos the other's way too important for me...