Saturday, May 31, 2008

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

You're Frozen when Your Hearts not Open

I feel great.
It's been a long time since i felt something as close to this.
Work is still the same hectic and going in all directions. You could say I am falling apart, my life is falling apart. I am totally burning myself out. But i am happy.

There seems to be way too much of beauty around. I was all set to move on, all i saw was the negativity growing within me, the frustration and anger and nothing to complete the feeling. All this mindless thinking and all this negative energy was somehow making me miserable and kept me rooted... options, something i always prided myself with, seemed to slowly vanish, disappear out of sight. It slowly began to feel like the whole world was closing up and shutting down. Or maybe itwas just me.

Emotions and circumstance where do they lead you? Why does it sometimes happen that you suddenly feel like the whole world has plotted against you and that everything that you are going to do, the outsome seems evident? Kept thinking about it. I could convince myself that it is all fate, light up a few candles and believe that everything is going to e okay, that someone out there will listen to mortal prayers and send forth and angel to lift the soul to a higher plane... donno if that really happens unless you on some really weird acid trip... rather good one...

but maybe there really isn't anything, its just in the head. Think hard. Think really hard. Can you disassociate yourself from yourself? Can you kill yourself?

I just did.

I belive and now i am sure that if you can see yourself from a different perspective a completely different parallel consciousness. Answers seem to flow in. Its when you're frozen that your hearts not open. You need to free them mind. The world seems a whole lot more beautiful and ready for challenges... answers to questions asked before are all out there... Options... something that helps me out are back... and today i dance and dine and drink with them.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Its a LittLe BiT FunnY

Not long ago, I nearly packed up, wrapped up and planned a leave. I had been moving in concentric circles, not reaching anymore. The attitude made it worse. Nothing seemed like it was working and nothing would have worked, cos in me, just within me, i had already made it so.

I walked straight, I walked head held high, I walked towards the good and stretched out my hand. Nothing to hold.

Like swimming in the dark and you reach out to hold the edge of the swimming pool, when you were actually swimming in the ocean. There's nothing to hold on to and you're still trying to grab. grasp. hold.

And then i discovered beauty. Matchless to anything on Earth. Sublime. Pure. Sweet. Evil. Wet. Everything that the world keeps you away from. At a dingy corner of a parking lot i was popping in some bubble gum and blowing hard to stretch my imagination to a level of unconscious consciousness of ethereal thoughts of mind games. The wilderness was nigh and I didn't have to do anything about it.

Life has changed, with just half a bottle of water and a sugar cube. Beauty unsurpassed. Sounds that are so elvish and pure, you'd believe fairies holding on to you, cuddling and whispering 'you're safe now, everything's gonna be fine.' The lights seemed...seemed. no source. not even the sun. Just a heavenly ray to lift you high and suspend you. The ancestors and teachers and the power of the IS holding on to you... suspending you taking you higher than the reach of the meanest dragon and troll. Peace, Love, Ease, Beauty and Safe. At ease.

12 hours and the bubble popped. My life has changed.