Can I Escape This Irresistable Grasp??!!??

how many of you play freecell on yer PC...try playing game number 11982...lemme know if you guys have reached anywhere.
It's been a rollercoaster ride for me these past few weeks, no no months. Everyday it seems like the pressures gonna make me explode and all i'll have is a body and nuthing else. Sanity would be past. A letter of resignation sits on my desktop just waiting to be forwarded. but then i have always done that with all the other jobs i have been in.
But something stops me. Challenges. Love. Life. Accomplishment. Money...
Just a few weeks ago while working on a very important account with really sensitive clients, i get a call from one of my most favourite people. She forces me to apply for a scholarship, something i never would have seen me doing. But i did, maybe looking for greener meadows, maybe because i needed to get myself out of this shit-hole that i find myself in everyday, maybe i needed to escape...
But i wanted so eagerly to get through once i got a call for the interview. I didn't get through... but what i did accomplish in my trip to Delhi was bonding.
I was able to meet Ritu, Ahjun and Poo, Oma, some friends from school i was meeting after 9 years and one after 13 years... and above all to spend time with Prasanna and Avanti... Two very dear people for me.
The life that i have got myself into has rendered me hopeless. Hopeless in terms of not being able to be in touch with the people that matter the most to me. A sinner, thats what it makes me. People i love. And yes it does matter in the long run. No matter how much you try to keep yourself away, they are your strenght in the end of the day.
The same reason to why i ultimately took up applying for the scholarship was to quit my present job, but the same trip got me back to work, wanting to work, wanting to prove myself. Make everyone feel so proud of me. And nuthin else matters.
I dream everyday...dreams being part of my life...some scary, some eye-opening, some pleasant... I dream of getting lost in a wilderness where i am happy...all alone in the wilderness... living a life that i want to live.
But friends, loved one's pull me back. i hate you all for that. But i love you more for being who you are and being that way for me and with me. I truly love you guys and this goes out to all of my friends. I really want to go get lost in the wilderness but HOW CAN I ESCAPE THIS IRRESISTABLE GRASP??!!?? i guess there is a time for everything, this life is for you...i'll get my wilderness in the afterlife.