WeIrd ImpERfection

its funny how some conversations start somewhere and ultimately a day or two after the whole incident when you look back, you hardly believe where you started from and where you've reached.
i was walking down the cobbled street in the wee hours of the moonlit night. Funny the way the moon shone on the rain moistened stones. the place never looked so beautiful before, almost gothic, almost like a scene from a heavy metal music video...dark. It is in this very same place i met old friends, made new ones and erased a few from my life, never to think of them ever again.
today i see someone i made friends in this very same place, overlooking the sea, with street lights lining the boulevard. there she was sitting on a bench, looking at the sea, the waves pushing a buoy about, toying with it. i notice something eerily beautiful, almost evil about the way the sea pushed the buoy around...
As i pass behind her i comment on the sea and the buoy, ' now thats uniquely beautiful.' and i walk on, knowing that she's heard it and maybe someday we'll talk about it when she's alone. i walk a couple of strides forward, the food and drink got to be digested even though i'd tell everyone it here i get my inspiration.
'great there is somebody who likes weird angles' she says from behind.
i wonder why would she say something like that. She quickly follows by saying 'you really find the angle weird?'
what is weird? just the way you'd want to look at it. no matter how imperfect our lives churn out to be... i walk back to where she is sitting and stand aside facing the sea... if yuo look carefully you'd see the horizon even in the moonlight.
People think you're weird... but i am doing something weird right now staring at a horizon not visible. here we go 2 people out to escape the world they live in, no one really knows the other apart from the occasional meetings at the boulevard. Weird... or is it???!!!
she tells me how she is inclined to becoming the personification of imperfection...
this starts up a conversation.
funny how conversations start at someplace and end at a cobble stoned boulevard, glistening in the moonlight, breezy with the night wind from posiedon's own lungs, tranquil with mist hovering above the streets with no names.
i came here to get some exercise, i had my own thoughts running through my head... introverted imbecile was actually out there to vent out some frustration and kick an empty beer can... but today it is different... its not about me today, its about her. i sit wait to listen and be part of this imperfect weirdness.
stories, questions and weirdness was shared tonight, misty and quiet... interests and views were exchanged and solutions were offered... later to realise that the very same issues i was trying to help her with apply to me. she seems happy with what i had to offer. a compliment makes me feel weird - ' do u knw that ur a stress-buster...'
no i didn't and have lived most of my life with a hell load of stress. so what am i doing here? i wish i could think of all this for myself and ease myself out, and wouldn't have to go this boulevard to find solace and to court with the stillness of the rough seas. this is the place where i come to search for myself, i don't want to walk down the wilderness finally not having realised who i truly am. but today i find myself exploring another side, a lost side... a weird imperfection?
NOT!!!!

Can I Escape This Irresistable Grasp??!!??

how many of you play freecell on yer PC...try playing game number 11982...lemme know if you guys have reached anywhere.
It's been a rollercoaster ride for me these past few weeks, no no months. Everyday it seems like the pressures gonna make me explode and all i'll have is a body and nuthing else. Sanity would be past. A letter of resignation sits on my desktop just waiting to be forwarded. but then i have always done that with all the other jobs i have been in.
But something stops me. Challenges. Love. Life. Accomplishment. Money...
Just a few weeks ago while working on a very important account with really sensitive clients, i get a call from one of my most favourite people. She forces me to apply for a scholarship, something i never would have seen me doing. But i did, maybe looking for greener meadows, maybe because i needed to get myself out of this shit-hole that i find myself in everyday, maybe i needed to escape...
But i wanted so eagerly to get through once i got a call for the interview. I didn't get through... but what i did accomplish in my trip to Delhi was bonding.
I was able to meet Ritu, Ahjun and Poo, Oma, some friends from school i was meeting after 9 years and one after 13 years... and above all to spend time with Prasanna and Avanti... Two very dear people for me.
The life that i have got myself into has rendered me hopeless. Hopeless in terms of not being able to be in touch with the people that matter the most to me. A sinner, thats what it makes me. People i love. And yes it does matter in the long run. No matter how much you try to keep yourself away, they are your strenght in the end of the day.
The same reason to why i ultimately took up applying for the scholarship was to quit my present job, but the same trip got me back to work, wanting to work, wanting to prove myself. Make everyone feel so proud of me. And nuthin else matters.
I dream everyday...dreams being part of my life...some scary, some eye-opening, some pleasant... I dream of getting lost in a wilderness where i am happy...all alone in the wilderness... living a life that i want to live.
But friends, loved one's pull me back. i hate you all for that. But i love you more for being who you are and being that way for me and with me. I truly love you guys and this goes out to all of my friends. I really want to go get lost in the wilderness but HOW CAN I ESCAPE THIS IRRESISTABLE GRASP??!!?? i guess there is a time for everything, this life is for you...i'll get my wilderness in the afterlife.

Breathe in The AIR

NO matter how the monsoons renders mumbai completely unfriendly, you really cannot live without commenting on how it changes things around you. yesterday was a terrible day with work and all the deadlines, office tensions, creative blocks, etc seemed to be brimming in you...and then you hear the sound of thunder and lightening... you need to collect the latest comics from the printers and package it for delivery...work still in your head, in your veins...occupying every cell that carries your DNA. you rush out and take the bike to the printers...give them the cheque, sign the voucher and with the prints you got to ride back to office...and then you begin to smell the rain and the winds slowly pick up...got to rush.you ride like the wind, like a mad man...just as you reach office, it begins to pour...you need to get the comics packaged...but you stop as soon as you plac ethe prints on the cutting table just so that you can walk out and see the downpour...feel a few drops on your brow...and then suddenly it all changes.you no longer feel the tensions, you don't care about the deadlines because you are sure it will be met...no matter how unrealistic it may sound. and before you know it, everyone in the office slogging their ass off are standing with you enjoying the first monsoon shower.evrything has changed...attitudes have changed and nowwe smile.4 hours later 2 hours past midnight we despatch the comic, and the next film seems like a challenge worth fighting for, no matter the odds...fight even though death is evident...fight to finish the most. amazing!