Solitary in the Wilderness

Sometimes one wonders if what the present holds is a means to our future. Does it lead us to where we set out to go? Where we go is that the place we really want to go? Will we be disappointed with what we end up with, with all the gigantic expectations that we shoulder, heavier than Atlas’s load!

In my solitude and wanderings, into wildernesses generally uncharted, I begin to think. Am I really who I am? Am I really what I am? Will I end up being the person I set out to be?

I fought anger, tried to be different and not get angry. I can confidently say that it would take a catastrophe to get me angry. I set out to be like that but am I right? Am I going in the right direction? I wonder sometimes! Once when an auto went over my foot I just went over to the driver and said- “bhai sorry toh bol sakte ho”
And I walked off.

Was that right or is that I have totally gotten immune? So in the same way, if I am working myself to a certain level will it just take a wrong turn or will my reactions be a lot indifferent.

I really cannot answer these questions now… nor is there anyone around who can help me. Does anyone know these answers? Why ask this question when all we do is live robotic lives, slaves of our own goals and destiny.

We are bound by everything that is around us… from families, religion, work, friends. But yes I think we need friends and family esp when religion and work can disown you sometimes.

So how does it work? Every morning brings you face to face with the modern world. Being a slave to one’s destiny! Challenges?! What are these challenges, what are we looking for, what should be our goal, are we going in the right direction, who is god, what is religion, should we F*#%ing care when its obvious that all the people around have been blinded by religion into hate and war?

‘Don’t stop to think or even answer it…if you did…just like me, then you just lost the front row seats of the most amazing show – the rat race.

Is it a sin to ask these questions or to wonder why?

Ask your parents and your peers… they’ll either be scientifically factual or fictionally philosophical with their replies, but best of all they’d just quote from the holy scriptures and books and some really unheard of religious texts.

If you were satisfied with the reasoning and answers you received then don’t read on. This will make you only ask more questions. Fill and flood your heads with doubt. Now isn’t doubt bad!!??

Try running faster my dear
This is a race and there is only one winner
Try running faster it’s all very clear
You’ve been running circles, a sinner.

Try to be good and happy
Hey you just hurt someone
Try to be worldly and witty
You’ve just lost the love of the good ONE.

The soothing warmth of the evening drink…
The numbness and the artificial intoxication…
They ultimately burn you from the inside…
Till your heart feels no more and you sink and die.

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I walk these crowded streets
Lonely and friendless.
The cold wind and my habits
Remind me of this wretched space.

The children that smiled and played
Are all gone and grown today.
I wait to see the light of day
To be back with the days I smiled…

Lying alone in the dark, stoned cold,
With my arms stretched out.
Didn’t I just show you the door
Through which you left me alone.

How I long everyday to walk down the path
The road, solitary in the wilderness!