How Should I...

So many nights have i spent wondering and watching for a sign that would instill enough confidence in me to go ahead with what i have.
Sitting alone for long hours in the city's popular boulevard wondering in which direction i should go...
concious contemplations and perilous points to ponder.

I know the one who calls me brother is going through a tough time, I need him to find peace, solace and a life befitting someone who can call me brother. But how do i console him? The one that matters the most is far far away in perhaps the same dilema and really not able to comprehend on what course of action should be applied. I hear of it and i really want to do something, but no. There is hardly anything to be done, the rest is revolutionary. How does one reason with a broken heart and a paining conscience that screams the one name that should generally react to a whisper! Whisper a prayer, whisper it in ears to hear, whisper it so ages beyond should never have to wait for the whisper. Love, is it so blind to pain, that it drives the very inners to pour out with so much of vengeance that relative thinking and reasoning would seem like an enemy assault!
But that is not the way of the one that calls me brother. And that pains more for a brother. How should I tell him what I think should be done? How should i tell him of a love so pure that it later binds you to hate? How should I tell him that it will only turn to obsession and will later turn him mad? How should I tell him that all that i think is wrong? How should I...

I know the one that called me lover is somewhere thinking of a comeback. When over here in the midst of all my work I think of nothing else than what is there to see. Complains of hiding behind masks and loads of work just so that situations, thoughts, memories and nights spent together are blinded and locked up in some closet fall to ears of friends and of more friends. But I see it different. No pain. No blood. No tears. No feelings. A heart bled to full, does it bleed anymore? Does a mind lost and seperate and changed be wrong in saying no more? I don't want any of this anymore. Happiness. How should I tell the one that called me a lover that it's not me anymore? How should I tell the one that called me a lover that there is none to look forward too, when the minds at work and the heart's gone for a stroll in a psychedelic trance wilderness? How should I say that I love no more? How should I say that expectations of a life wasn't really expectations but a requiem of a dream? How should I...

I know the one that calls me dude/friend/brother is in pain and smiles when the rest of the world with ails of such would be counting days. A love that is fathomless seems hard to imagine and easy to dream. A love that there was is now gone because of times when someone had to choose. Does choice make a relation seem like a test? yes, I believe so. Broken and out, physically and in heart yet there is a glimmer of hope that the one that calls me DFB has to get me and the one that called me lover back again. I hate myself for bringing expectations for a dream. I love the one that calls me DFB but cannot take the choice that is offered because it moves me against all. How should I tell the one that calls me DFB that all love is lost and only a new one can enter? (beep you're out of the game) How should I say that all i care about is the malignant inners and that I hardly care for the cancer that has us all? How should I...

One has a love but has been moved away and longs a reunion, if not for forces of the underwind. One has broken away from the love of a good one and is trying to cement a relation. One has no love even when someone wants a reunion. One.

How should I go about this one?

GaStroNomic RambLinGs

aaaaahhhhh!!!!

sitting late at night burning the midnight oil
forgotten how the sun feels and the smell of moist soil.
slowly moving to the edge of the world,
wondering about the end and all the gold.

foooooooddd....
aaaaahhhhh!!!!

let me tell you the story of old
how a man and his woman found some gold.
all across the country side would they be spoken of
how a man and his woman got rich and took off.

off to the city where the blinding lights are strings and streams
where men and women look alike; riding their fancy carts on high beams.
where houses and towers look alike
'aaaaahhhh,' to his woman said mike.

aaaaahhhhh!!!!
under the cities, where rivers clean as vulcan's home run
under a rampart that smelled like a skunk.

city life is amazing, you got dogs here and you got dogs there...
what am i talking about, am i losing it or is it just the uncertaintity....
aaaaaahhhh...stop this crap...listen to you!!!
you don't make sense you miserable piece of a pretentious philosopher...
your mask is wearing out, they can see through and now you feel naked...standing at the marketplace...

aaaaaahhhhh!!!
hey you wouldn't have minded the nakedness on other days, so why cover up? too many masks and too many lies... be yourself, even if its just for a day... stop the smile...you look worst than the queen's jester... mister.

why...don't you have anything better to do than read these mindless rantings of a hungry soul???

UNSPOKEN DREAMS

Darkness and solitude...my friends i call upon you now to help me out...
this world hard to bear and easily misleading...
give me the muse and the fire to rekindle my snuffed life...
Depressed am I?... I daren't answer this rhetoric...
PULL THE TRIGGER, SLASH A VEIN, JUMP, DROWN...
thats too easy...
My life is an irony, a total contradiction... i need my life... i don't want my life... i want to end it... but it's too easy... i want something challenging...mmmm... death you can't give me that... LIFE well you are already too challenged yourself.

All HAil ThE SlAVe KIng

unfair deal...
the loved one that suffered, the loved one that suffered, the loved one that suffered, the loved one that suffered, the loved ONE that suffered, the loved one that suffers.
unfair deal...
let me suffer...
painful existence painful existence...
''shut up and F*$#ing smile you don't want to share your pain...
smile and don't give me your pain''

smile smile smile, smiling cheshire what have you got to hide, hide a hide thats hidden behind a coat infested with fleas... smile that fakeness, that fantastical ''its a beautiful day''(have you heard of such a thing?)
the loved one made you smile (don't tell me... you spent the rest of the time contemplating closure and death)

ENTER the mighty warrior...
he is tired and battle laden, sweat on his brow an unshaven mess. His beloved happy goes up and picks him by his elbow from his throne...and into his eyes she looks, eagerly, wanting so badly, craving to lecherous levels...

''lets go shopping my dear''

'The King is a slave, all hail the king, all hail the king, all hail the king'

quiet... QUIET...sshhh.
Can you hear what i hear?
quiet....
sshhh...

lets be silent... lets be silent... lets be silent says the king, we already in the wilderness at peace in elysium....
SCREAMMMMMM my queen, but no one to hear you just me... here in elysium.

the King shuts his eyes, his job is done...he doesn't need to go shopping... the film's been made and the loved one can retire... close your eyes, the shopping can wait... elysium and the chance to go for the gig, once in a lifetime...
he closes his eyes and in the wilderness he walks, hand in hand with the musical likeness, of love and accomplishment, of music and meditation, of love and peace...
the war (read life) is over.
ELYSIUM