Sometimes one wonders if what the present holds is a means to our future. Does it lead us to where we set out to go? Where we go is that the place we really want to go? Will we be disappointed with what we end up with, with all the gigantic expectations that we shoulder, heavier than Atlas’s load!
In my solitude and wanderings, into wildernesses generally uncharted, I begin to think. Am I really who I am? Am I really what I am? Will I end up being the person I set out to be?
I fought anger, tried to be different and not get angry. I can confidently say that it would take a catastrophe to get me angry. I set out to be like that but am I right? Am I going in the right direction? I wonder sometimes! Once when an auto went over my foot I just went over to the driver and said- “bhai sorry toh bol sakte ho”
And I walked off.
Was that right or is that I have totally gotten immune? So in the same way, if I am working myself to a certain level will it just take a wrong turn or will my reactions be a lot indifferent.
I really cannot answer these questions now… nor is there anyone around who can help me. Does anyone know these answers? Why ask this question when all we do is live robotic lives, slaves of our own goals and destiny.
We are bound by everything that is around us… from families, religion, work, friends. But yes I think we need friends and family esp when religion and work can disown you sometimes.
So how does it work? Every morning brings you face to face with the modern world. Being a slave to one’s destiny! Challenges?! What are these challenges, what are we looking for, what should be our goal, are we going in the right direction, who is god, what is religion, should we F*#%ing care when its obvious that all the people around have been blinded by religion into hate and war?
‘Don’t stop to think or even answer it…if you did…just like me, then you just lost the front row seats of the most amazing show – the rat race.
Is it a sin to ask these questions or to wonder why?
Ask your parents and your peers… they’ll either be scientifically factual or fictionally philosophical with their replies, but best of all they’d just quote from the holy scriptures and books and some really unheard of religious texts.
If you were satisfied with the reasoning and answers you received then don’t read on. This will make you only ask more questions. Fill and flood your heads with doubt. Now isn’t doubt bad!!??
Try running faster my dear
This is a race and there is only one winner
Try running faster it’s all very clear
You’ve been running circles, a sinner.
Try to be good and happy
Hey you just hurt someone
Try to be worldly and witty
You’ve just lost the love of the good ONE.
The soothing warmth of the evening drink…
The numbness and the artificial intoxication…
They ultimately burn you from the inside…
Till your heart feels no more and you sink and die.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I walk these crowded streets
Lonely and friendless.
The cold wind and my habits
Remind me of this wretched space.
The children that smiled and played
Are all gone and grown today.
I wait to see the light of day
To be back with the days I smiled…
Lying alone in the dark, stoned cold,
With my arms stretched out.
Didn’t I just show you the door
Through which you left me alone.
How I long everyday to walk down the path
The road, solitary in the wilderness!
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
Black and White
Fairy Tales do not come true and so I believed. Fantasies and hallucinations do not give way to reality; even déjà vu seems to be a glitch in the uncountable plugging and unplugging of numerous little charged neurons in your brains.
So what do we have here. A life that just moves on. Dreams meant for the night or for wierd timings in the day when you really need to have yuor thoughts concentrated on the person heading the production meeting...
But on the 18th Feb 2007 it all changed, nuthing would remain the same ever again. Life won't be the same again.
It all started a week before when all the planning started. But you see my brother was down and i wanted to spend as much of time with him that my job offered. Suddenly as time moved on tickets got lesser i realise i still hadn't booked my tickets for the THE GREAT GIG IN THE SKY. My brother tells me of a friend of mine who has passes so i call this friend who confirms it. Work done.
At office more people wanted to come, which included my bosses. Fine i could get them the passes. But i was never sure whether those passes were really there or not, so i call this other friend who works for the press to arrange some more, he confirms 8 passes. Wow! 8!
Come Sunday and i don't have even 1 pass. tried for desperate measures... told everyone i couldn't arrange passes and had to hear it from ost of them but for two friends. One guy arranges it and the other tells me we'll go there and see what can be done.
We by the tickets for 2000 bucks from the venue. and can you believe it i got broke and i really didn't feel it. All that i could feel was the music, my heart beat and the feeling of euphoria. Roger Waters performing live in MUMBAI.
Dreams do come true, i always wanted to see a Roger Waters show. And now i want to see a Pink Floyd reunion.
uncertainty brought me to perhaps the best feeling i ever felt.
uncertainty about tickets, about what to do after that since i got broke.
uncertainty about how to get home cos i was left with 10 bucks in my wallet.
but all i remember thinking is the PIG in the sky, learning to fly.
the time when it looked staright into my eyes with its tusks showing.
with the dots around its neck saying, cut through the dotted lines.
with SARVA JAATI EK HAIN written on the side.
and all i could see is god and devil sitting together, floating this pig into the sky, pasting acid strips onto their tongue and laughing at us mortals for we were missing the pyro effects happening on stage.
to be out there and to be part of a single wave of energy all moving to the rhythm of the blip on the satelite on screen, which actually was the same rhythm of a normal heart...so in short everyone at that single point of time had their hearts beating at the same time... or maybe the sound wasn't from the speakers at all , it might have been the collective beating of nearly 10000 people's hearts.
for once i saw the coming together of peoples just having music in their heads and all their hearts beating together, like hearts, like thoughts, like people, like like like like like... like what we like, like what we like, like what we like...
beating hearts beating drums, progressive rhythms, progressive thoughts...music up in the head music up in the head...music in our hearts beating together... two fingers pointing up to the heavens in the shape of a V, waves of Vs towering a dazed and comfortably numbed crowd...
had to be an off day for the devil and god...so much of harmony can only be a result of some thing like that.
So what do we have here. A life that just moves on. Dreams meant for the night or for wierd timings in the day when you really need to have yuor thoughts concentrated on the person heading the production meeting...
But on the 18th Feb 2007 it all changed, nuthing would remain the same ever again. Life won't be the same again.
It all started a week before when all the planning started. But you see my brother was down and i wanted to spend as much of time with him that my job offered. Suddenly as time moved on tickets got lesser i realise i still hadn't booked my tickets for the THE GREAT GIG IN THE SKY. My brother tells me of a friend of mine who has passes so i call this friend who confirms it. Work done.
At office more people wanted to come, which included my bosses. Fine i could get them the passes. But i was never sure whether those passes were really there or not, so i call this other friend who works for the press to arrange some more, he confirms 8 passes. Wow! 8!
Come Sunday and i don't have even 1 pass. tried for desperate measures... told everyone i couldn't arrange passes and had to hear it from ost of them but for two friends. One guy arranges it and the other tells me we'll go there and see what can be done.
We by the tickets for 2000 bucks from the venue. and can you believe it i got broke and i really didn't feel it. All that i could feel was the music, my heart beat and the feeling of euphoria. Roger Waters performing live in MUMBAI.
Dreams do come true, i always wanted to see a Roger Waters show. And now i want to see a Pink Floyd reunion.
uncertainty brought me to perhaps the best feeling i ever felt.
uncertainty about tickets, about what to do after that since i got broke.
uncertainty about how to get home cos i was left with 10 bucks in my wallet.
but all i remember thinking is the PIG in the sky, learning to fly.
the time when it looked staright into my eyes with its tusks showing.
with the dots around its neck saying, cut through the dotted lines.
with SARVA JAATI EK HAIN written on the side.
and all i could see is god and devil sitting together, floating this pig into the sky, pasting acid strips onto their tongue and laughing at us mortals for we were missing the pyro effects happening on stage.
to be out there and to be part of a single wave of energy all moving to the rhythm of the blip on the satelite on screen, which actually was the same rhythm of a normal heart...so in short everyone at that single point of time had their hearts beating at the same time... or maybe the sound wasn't from the speakers at all , it might have been the collective beating of nearly 10000 people's hearts.
for once i saw the coming together of peoples just having music in their heads and all their hearts beating together, like hearts, like thoughts, like people, like like like like like... like what we like, like what we like, like what we like...
beating hearts beating drums, progressive rhythms, progressive thoughts...music up in the head music up in the head...music in our hearts beating together... two fingers pointing up to the heavens in the shape of a V, waves of Vs towering a dazed and comfortably numbed crowd...
had to be an off day for the devil and god...so much of harmony can only be a result of some thing like that.
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